You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
