i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
