When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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