i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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