yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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