There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
