I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
