covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
