Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
