I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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