so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
