I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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