you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Found your dick twin last night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
