im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
