You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
