He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
