obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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