apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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