He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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