i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
