They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
