We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
