he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Randomize
