We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
