Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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