I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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