Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
