I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
