Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
