apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
