She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
