apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
