i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
