We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
