Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
