You just made me feel so damn special
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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