Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
