Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
