so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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