We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i love accidental penises.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
