Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
