I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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