I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
