If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
