My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Houston, we have a squirter
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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