He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
