I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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