I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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