1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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