Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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