If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
